The Case of the Missing 50+ Professional Identity

Who Are You After a Career Pivot?

Image Credit: Peggy Marco

As many of you know, I’ve been laid off three times in my career.

While I ultimately successfully pivoted after each one as I shared in When Forced Change Throws You For a Loop, the last one in my 50’s threw me for the biggest one because I not only lost my job, but the professional identity I had been working towards for years in one fell swoop.

I was used to leading, mentoring and motivating Health Coach Managers as a Senior Manager directly, and indirectly, leading lots of health coaches.

Due to a changing industry, it was a role that I wouldn’t be able to get back.

So when I was gainfully employed again, I was outwardly a real trooper seemingly embracing my new role as an “individual contributor” managing partnerships rather than people, but inwardly, I realized in retrospect, I was in mourning.

Who am I professionally if I’m no longer in leadership?

Rubbing It In

It wasn’t so much that the title, and more importantly the role, I had busted my derriere for was gone. It was that I felt that at every turn, the fact I was not a leader and no longer in a position to bring out the best in others, was being emphasized everywhere.

My personal email inbox had an invitation to the next meeting of a professional group I participated in for coaching leaders. No longer allowed to attend that one.

My email inbox at my new job had one inviting applications for mentors. I brightened at the prospect of doing this. I read the requirements—six months in your current role and you had to be at a Manager level. Hmm, so you’re telling me that my wealth of past experience has nothing of value to offer right out of the gate and because of my title, I am banned from “mentor land?”

Fine, be that way.

I expected next to find one of those giant electronic billboards up along a major road locally to say “Melanie is no longer a leader” in blinking lights to rub it in further.

At least that didn’t happen!

Thank goodness I was CEO of my own small coaching practice side hustle at night and on weekends which validated things somewhat. As you may know, I’m a firm believer in having a little something on the side always.

But every weekday, I was still feeling the sting of being excluded from the “leaders” ring. That resentment stayed with me for the majority of my first year post layoff number three. I just couldn’t shake it.

Every email that came out from HR that said “discuss with your leader” or included instructions that were different for “leaders”, I took personally as an affront.

The role I was doing had no chance of upward mobility. It still doesn’t.

I was stuck.

The Turning Point

I had yet another typical meeting to support a member of our Customer Success team to answer questions about one of our partners for his client.

After I answered all of his questions, he said something that shocked me.

“Thank you for your leadership.”

I quickly said “Thanks Morgan (name changed to protect the innocent), but I’m not a Manager here.”

What he said next was totally unexpected.

“Don’t you dare say that! You go out of your way to create the training and resources to help us do our jobs well, you listen, you always take time to answer our questions quickly, you do what you say you’ll do, and you stand up for us.

If that’s not a leader, I don’t know what is.”

Mic drop moment!

To reinforce his point, right after our meeting he sent me a Teams message that said:

So that was real proof. I now had it in writing.

I was like the Grinch on Christmas morning when he realizes Christmas came anyway without all the typical signs of the holiday.

“It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

It came without packages, boxes or bags!”

His heart grew three sizes that day. And so did mine after my meeting with Morgan.

I’m still a leader!

I did it without a title.

I did it without any direct reports.

I certainly did it without the commensurate salary.

I somehow forgot that leadership doesn’t just come from a title after all. Perhaps it means just a little bit more.

The Aftermath

Apparently, someone brought my leadership identity to the lost and found and I was pleased to claim it.

Did it look like I expected? No.

Was it as fulfilling as it used to be? No.

But I appreciated that this wonderful colleague still saw me with my professional leadership identity intact even though it wasn’t typical.

Morgan is still my favorite member of the Customer Success team.

Image Credit: DS Stories

The Loss of the 50+ Professional Identity Takeaway

Let’s face it. The world of work is a struggle bus these days and it’s not getting any better, at any age—especially when ageism and wanting to be paid for your wealth of experience (you’re expensive, but so worth it), at 50+ kicks in. I’ve seen so many colleagues deal with this and many still are.

It’s very stressful to lose a job through no fault of your own. You may ultimately get another job so you check all the essential boxes you may need (like good health insurance), so that “blankety-blank” prior employer that kicked you to the curb didn’t win after all. You should also feel proud of your resilience that landed you on your feet.

Still, it doesn’t make it any easier when it’s not exactly what you want, at the level you want. But that’s the reality many of us face.

Am I grateful that my next company made the leap when I put two different pieces of my experience together and bought it (and me)? Sure.

Do I have more energy for my own pursuits outside of my day job now that I’m not directly responsible for a lot of humans? Sure.

That said, it’s never been more important to not let your own identity get too intertwined with your professional identity. No matter how much you enjoy your work, or even your business, it can be gone in a New York Minute (Don Henley version).

It’s also something to think ahead to as you approach retirement one day. Will you feel the loss of professional identity then too and how can you best prepare for it?

I temporarily forgot my own lesson that if you focus on your own pursuits that can never be taken away from you, what happens at your day job doesn’t really matter. It’s one I won’t forget again.

And for all you leaders out there—take comfort in the fact that your leadership qualities will never go away, regardless of what your title says, if you keep showing up as you do in the world.

Wishing you maximum health and happiness always!

P.S. Have you lost a job which resulted in a reduced role on your next stop? Or do you know someone who had his happen? How did it work out for you or them? Do you fear this happening to you?

Please comment. I’d love to hear other stories. It helps to know you’re not alone!

If you enjoyed this post, please be sure to like it to help others find it, and please share it with others who could use some support after a job loss, especially if they’re underemployed.

The best come back from a layoff and underemployment is to take good care of yourself so you’re ready for your next opportunity and have the good health and energy to pursue your passions. I also have helped my clients create their own custom plan for creating a more positive mindset and dealing with the stress of job loss and loss of professional identity including stress eating and even helped some with their resume and job approach to find their next role based on my own experiences.

Paid subscribers to my YBLME Thrivers Community rewrite their personal health stories and live empowered, positive lives so they can do anything and everything they want in their 50s, 60s and beyond with my expert support. I share the exact strategies to thrive and age in a way that uniquely fits you that have led to success for the thousands of clients I’ve helped easily live their best lives for more than a decade.

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FYI: I also post some inspirational, humorous and fun quick notes most days for more ways to help you easily thrive after 50.

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